Auctioneer by Leroy Van Dyke and Buddy Black "I was in Korea in the Army, and being a graduate of an auctioneering school myself, felt very strongly about the auctioneering business. I felt that an auctioneering song should be authentic and should sound exactly like the sound you would hear when you walked into a cattle sale barn someplace in the West, Midwest, or South—wherever they sell cattle. I was inspired by my boyhood idol, a cousin of mine, a Mr. Ray Sims from Sedalia, Missouri, who is regarded by many authorities in the business as a top auctioneer. The entire lyric is factual except the first line; I couldn't find anything to rhyme with Missouri, so I substituted Arkansas." —Leroy Van Dyke Auctioneer Recitation: Hey, well, all right, sir, here we go there, and what're ya gonna give for 'em . . .I'm bid twenty-five will ya gimme thirty, make it thirty, bid it to buy 'em at thirty dollars on 'er will ya gimme thirty, now five, who would a bid it at five, five bid and now forty dollars on 'er to buy 'em there . . . There was a boy in Arkansas Who wouldn't listen to his ma When she told him that he should go to school He'd sneak away in the afternoon Take a little walk and pretty soon You'd find him at the local auction barn. He'd stand and he'd listen carefully Then pretty soon he began to see How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly. He said, "Oh my, it's do or die. I've got to learn that auction cry Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer." Twenty . . . thirty . . . thirty . . . thirty Twenty . . . thirty . . . thirty . . . thirty Twenty . . . thirty . . . thirty . . . thirty Thirty . . . thirty . . . bid! As time went on he did his best And all could see he didn't jest, He practised calling bids both night and day, His pop would find him behind the barn Just working up an awful storm, As he tried to imitate the auctioneer. Then his pop said, "Son we just can't stand To have a mediocre man Sellin' things at auction using our good name. I'll send you off to auction school Then you'll be nobody's fool. You can take your place among the best." Thirty-five bid an' now forty dollar forty Will you gimme forty, make it forty Bi-di-di-bom a forty dollar, will you gimme forty Who-da-da bi-di-da forty dollar bid? Forty dollar bid an' now forty-five Will you gimme forty-five to make it a forty-five To bi-di-da forty-five Who would a-bid it at forty-five dollar bid? So from that boy who went to school There grew a man who played it cool He came back home a full-fledged auctioneer. Then the people came from miles around Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound That fills their hearts with such a happy cheer. Then his frame spread out from shore to shore He had all he could do and more. Had to buy a place to get around, Now he's the tops in all the land. Let's pause to give that man a hand, He's the best hillbilly auctioneer. Forty . . . fifty . . . fifty . . . fifty Forty . . . fifty . . . fifty . . . fifty Forty . . . fifty . . . fifty . . . fifty I sold that hog for fifty . . . fifty bid. Recitation: Hey, well, all right, Sir, open the gate an' let 'em out and walk 'em boys! Here we come with lot number 29 in, what'd ya gonna give for 'em? I'm bid twenty-five, will ya gimme thirty, make it thirty, bid it to buy 'em at thirty dollars on 'er, will you gimme thirty dollars on 'er now five, thirty-five, 'an now the forty dollars on 'er, will you gimme fifty, now five, fifty-five, 'an now the sixty dollars on 'er, will you gimme sixty, make it sixty, now five, who'd a bid it at sixty dollars on 'er but 'em there . . .